Hi i'm Johnny Knoxville, welcome to Jackass.

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials.

• Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
• A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
• Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
• A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
• Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
• A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
• Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
• A: What did your last slave die of?
• Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
• A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
• Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
• ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
• Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )
• A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
• Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
• A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
• Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
• A: You are a British politician, right?
• Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
• A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
• Milk is illegal.
• Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
• A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
• You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
• Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
• A: Only at Christmas.